Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
