ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
