Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
