I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
