cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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