Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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