last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
