i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
