i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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