so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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