Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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