Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
