Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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