Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Still dying that you shit outside
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
