1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
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it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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