If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
