well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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