if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
