dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
