At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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