it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
