a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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