That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
