Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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