I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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