i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
