Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
