Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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