Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
