I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
