so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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