If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
