i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
