Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
