I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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