Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
