You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
