I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
