put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
