The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
