omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
