The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
