i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
