Where did you get a picture of my penis
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
