wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
