So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
