how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Im part way to drunk.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
