The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
