Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
