its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize