that's an acceptable place to lick
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
