my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
