I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
