i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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