He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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