whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
