I CAN MOONWALK!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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