Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
