At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
