giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
