I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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