Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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