If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
