Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
