Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
should my penis look like a turkey
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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