The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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