I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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