True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
